Tarkusehambast

Ma olen viimasel ajal olnud nagu viimane laiskloom... Jultunult olen lasknud elukesel end elada, ilma, et oleksin ise igas hetkes KOHAL. Teinud omi tegemisi, sest PEAB ju... 

Ja mingil imelikul kombel on see kóik olnud táiesti okei. Mingi minnalaskmise nádal. Vói peaaegu kaks...Mitteviitsimise aeg.

Eile óhtul hakkas mu tarkusehammas nii tohutult valutama, et ma mótlesin, et láhen kergelt hulluks. Lamasin diivanil ja proovisin rahuneda ning leevendust leida (ja ootasin, et valuvaigistid tóóle asuks) kui mulle torkas selle valu vahele páhe úks torkiv móte - ma ei ole rahul, et ma oma tarkust ei kasuta. Ma pole rahul, et ma ei kasuta oma potentsiaali ega oma oskuseid nii targalt kui ma vóiksin. Seda see valu mu jaoks hetkel súmboliseeribki! (Neile, kellele see on liiga "hipi", siis mu tarkusehammas lihtsalt kasvab valulikult. See on samuti tósi.)

Ma pean sellega tegelema. Mitte miski pole niisama. Mitte úkski márk ei ole niisama. 

Ma tahan nautida ka kóige váiksemat hetke. 

Ma usun ja tean ju, et kóik sellised "probleemid" on inimese peas kinni... et mul pole vaja taga ajada mingit joogilikku ideaali, vaid elu ise ongi see ideaal - et iga hetk on kingitus, súdamega tehtud toit toidab ka hinge ning koristatud toad aitavad korrastada mótteid.
Ja osata náha váikestes asjades suuri, on kóige táhtsam!

Ma olen selle teadmise eest tánulik.

úhtlasi avastasin tána, et igatsen jooksmist. 

Ja tahaksin minna náitusele.

Kumba rohkem, ei teagi.

I've been a total   sloth  lately. I have just let life live itself without me really being PRESENT. Done my thing, because I have to. And in a weird sense, it has been okay as well. A week or two of letting go. Time of "not-feeling-like-it". 

Last night my wisdom tooth started aching that bad, that I thought I might go insane.
I laid down on the couch and tried to calm, find some sort of relief (and waited for the painkillers to kick in) and then it hit me - I am not happy that I am not really using my wisdom. I am not happy, of not using my full potential and my skills as wise as I could. Hence the pain in wisdom tooth! ( To those, who this is too much "hippiestuff", then my wisdom tooth is giving me a hard time in its growth, that's also true.)
So I need to deal with this. Nothing is "just because". Every symbol has a reason.
And I really want to enjoy even the smallest moment.
I know and believe that all of those "problems" are in our heads... that there's no need for the search of a "yogi-like" ideal. Life itself is this ideal - EVERY moment is a gift,  food cooked with love is also nourishing the soul and clearing/cleaning rooms helps to clear the mind.
And seeing big things in small is the most important thing!

I am grateful for this knowledge.

Also, I realized today, that I miss running.
And going to an exhibition.

Don't even know, which  more.